My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
