If i come over, it means nothing
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
