put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
