For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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