i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
