looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I love how my cats smell like pot.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
