Church boner. Awkwardddd
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
