Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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