Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
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Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober