Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.

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  (402): just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot. http://tfl.nu/9z8d
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.

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  (317): He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again. http://tfl.nu/2li2
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.

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  (732): There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish. http://tfl.nu/b1hn
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.

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  (314): he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it. http://tfl.nu/pdii
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  (914): View more from New York

  Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?

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  (914): Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later? http://tfl.nu/xxzo
  Replies (20) Good night (4549) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?

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  (704): Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane? http://tfl.nu/zikg
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?

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  (513): Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today? http://tfl.nu/r6wg
  Replies (7) Good night (2914) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...

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  (262): By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire... http://tfl.nu/1iat
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  (386): View more from Florida

  he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it

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  (386): he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it http://tfl.nu/bfv6
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.

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  (406): Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life. http://tfl.nu/9594
  Replies (12) Good night (1080) Bad night (552)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.

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  (780): When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend. http://tfl.nu/go1c
  Replies (3) Good night (753) Bad night (298)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere

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  (910): She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere http://tfl.nu/frtj
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.

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  (609): I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out. http://tfl.nu/kpzq
  Replies (2) Good night (189) Bad night (643)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me

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  (413): Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me http://tfl.nu/3euu
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.

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  (857): His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time. http://tfl.nu/a23u
  Replies (3) Good night (531) Bad night (141)

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