just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
