Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
