you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
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i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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