That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize