im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
