At least make sure they are 18
Why
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
