Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Even my vagina gasped.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
