Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
