a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
