he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
