Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
