If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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