i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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