I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
