Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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