maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
