She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
