We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You are the jesus of drinking
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
