I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
