Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
