I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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