Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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