just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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