i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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