Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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