Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
