okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
