Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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