My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
