It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize