sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
