So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
