omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
