It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
