Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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