mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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