You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
