i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
