"it" just moved
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
