Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
