I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
