just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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