dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
