you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
