Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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